The Starbucks Oracle Speaketh

I just heard about the Starbucks Oracle yesterday. Basically, you enter a drink, the oracle spits out a profile. Here's the response to my regular summer order, the iced tall Americano.

The Caravan of Dreams: O Starbucks Oracle, what do you maketh of my chosen drink -- the iced tall Americano? O share your caffeinated wisdom.

Starbucks Oracle: Your personality type is asshat!

TCoD: O Starbucks Oracle, why doth thou smite me?

Starbucks Oracle: You carry around philosophy books you haven't read and wear trendy wire-rimmed glasses even though you have perfect vision. (I did make it most of the way through those Spinosa and Kierkegaard books ... and I do wear sunglasses. Do go on.) You've probably added an accent to your name or changed the pronunciation to seem sophisticated. (I have been debating a change to Steavae. True.) You hang out in coffee shops because you don't have a job because you got your degree in French Poetry. (I am employed but I do have a French poetry book.) People who drink ice tall americano are notorious for spouting off angry, liberal opinions about issues they don't understand. (Well, got me there.)

TCoD: O Starbucks Oracle, anything else?

Starbucks Oracle: You also drink any drink with a foreign name. (TAZO CHAI!) You can also be found at the other, locally owned coffee shop you claim to like better. (FYI, I am writing this at Four Star Coffee Bar.) The Starbucks Oracle Hath Spoken!

TCoD: One love.

Starbucks Oracle: Peace.