Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Arlington, You Are Dead To Me

So I'm coming from a meeting in Arlington. I'm out early, so I drop by Whole Foods on Lamar to pick up a few things for dinner. I'm in the store five minutes, when a voice comes over the loudspeaker, " Would the driver of a Honda Element ..."

Oh, shit. That's my car. This is going to suck.

I figure someone broke into my car, stole my briefcase, maybe backed into my car. Nope.

They stole the catalytic converter. The catalytic freaking converter. Turns out this is actually a big problem in Arlington. Who knew?

Newsflash, this just in: Arlington -- YOU SUCK! You are dead to me! The only two crimes committed against me and my wife in the past 15 years have come in Arlington. This one today and at the Barnes and Noble right across the highway. Some yanked his shwantz out of his pants in front of my wife. Both of these things in the middle of the day. What kind of scummy town is this? I leave you to the crack-smoking, catalytic-converter-stealing, crank-yanking, Jerry Jones-loving lowlife douchebags that people your crumbling burg.

And Whole Foods, you've gotten my last dollar. If I can't walk in and pick up a loaf of bread without having parts sawed off my car IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WHILE PEOPLE FREAKING WATCH, well, you can just suck it. I like Central Market better anyway.

RELATED ARLINGTON SCUMMYNESS: A couple of blocks from Whole Foods and stealing $27,000 from the little cheerleader girls -- NICE.

6 comments:

The Stash Dauber said...

yeah. arlington. feh. there's two intersections of cooper and lamar -- one north of i-30 and one near i-20. there's two 157's; one's collins and one's cooper. it seems there are no street signs in the vicinity of division street or whatever it becomes out there. none of the payphones work. horrible, barbaric place.

DanielthePoet said...

Wow... I always knew parts of Arlington were ghetto, but I wouldn't have expected that at Whole Foods. I love that store! I shop there regularly, even though I live 20 minutes away.

Sorry about your car. I've had much worse experiences in Irving than Arlington. My favorite part of Arlington is the area near Collins and Green Oaks. To the west is my favorite park in the area. To the east are the neighborhoods I'd like to live in someday (if we don't just say screw it and move to Hometown in NRH).

Steve-O said...

Stay away from the NRH, mi amigo. They rode me out of town on a rail I must say. And I too used to spend quite a bit of time at the River Legacy Parks. Just watch out for the car thieves.

Fescue said...

For 8 1/2 years, I lived in north Arlington. Most of that time, I lived about 200 yards from the Whole Foods. Arlington is the crack-infested toilet of a town where I learned to hate suburbs and suburbanites. Brain-dead, elitist wannabees, north Arlingtonites thought they were Southlake and they were 10 to 15 years away from being Grand Prairie. It's the only town whose demise I've ever enjoyed watching.

Steve-O said...

Wow! Fescue brings the wood on that one!

Anonymous said...

What do you expect, being near President's Corner? That's da hood, foo!